A Look at Books

The first book I read by myself was in the kitchen when I was six. I sat on the floor in front of the heating vent while my mom chopped vegetables on the counter above. The book was The Gingerbread Man, and I read it aloud.  I remember this whole scene: my mom’s billowy skirt swaying around her shins as she moved, the methodic chopping sound on the wooden cutting board, my knees pulled against my chest, and the book’s cardboard pages and bright glossy pictures. I remember because it was so significant to me, to finally read on my own.

Since then, I’ve read hundreds of books, but I certainly don’t remember details of them all. A Wrinkle in Time stands out because my aunt read to my brothers and I before bed, even though we were quite old enough to read to ourselves. I loved it though. I read The BFG aloud to my younger brother, and several other Roald Dahl books. My older brother read The Old Man and the Sea to my family after dinner on a winter retreat last year. All these books I remember have been read aloud, but what about the other books? I remember what books are about, but I don’t remember when I read them, what was going on in my life, how they affected me. And all those things play out in what we think of the story. There have been books that I tried to read one year, and just couldn’t get through it. Then the next year, I devoured it, not able to put it down. And the book didn’t change – the story was the same as when I first tried – but it was me. I had changed.

I’d like to embark on a new challenge: to write down a snippet of my memories surrounding the books that I read in 2011. I want to chronicle my reading journey throughout this year. I’ll write each book as a post after I’ve read it, but I will also compile a master list under my Book Page. I’d love to hear other people’s memories of books they’ve read, too!

Writing Esteem

The last couple days I have been thinking about accomplishments. I was reflecting about an argument between my husband and me, and I thought how different my reaction would have been two years ago. And I tilted my head and thought, good for me. I’m growing! And this evening I gave fluids to my cat (successfully) all by myself. (My cat is in renal failure and needs subcutaneous fluids daily – which involves sticking a needle in her, which I hate! My hubby always does that part, but he’s sick today.) All that to say, I am proud of my small accomplishment.

What does this have to do with writing? Well, nothing really. Except that maybe I should allow myself this feeling there as well. I certainly have moments of small accomplishment (see last post) with my writing, but usually I am super hard on myself and have a fairly negative attitude about my writing skills. I’m not saying that I want to give myself a high-five after every sentence I write. But I also know that I need more confidence, more esteem, of my writing.

With that said, I’m off to write some more of that novel!

Write that novel!

I had five hours of almost uninterrupted writing time today. It was bliss. Since I’ve made an outline for my novel, I feel more confident going straight to the writing. Sure, sometimes I have to sit and think for awhile about the scene before I write, but it is so much better to know what scene I’m writing today. I feel more creative, not less, because I’m not sitting there staring at a blank page, tearing my hair out, trying to think about what to write.

Another habit I am trying to establish with my novel is not rereading the previous sections. In a Writer’s Digest article about outlines, there was a portion dedicated to revision also. Here is what it says:

“Revision and writing are two completely different processes that require different mindsets. Don’t try to do both at the same time…If you need to refresh yourself on what happened in the previous scene, skim your outline instead, or get in the habit of reading back over every scene you write on the same day you finish it.”  (Karen S. Wiesner, Writer’s Digest Jan 2011)

I remember discussing first drafts in my writing classes in college. One teacher said you need to allow yourself the freedom to write a first draft that just plain sucks. I used to write and revise at the same time and it took me FOREVER to finish a draft. I’d write a sentence then revise it before moving on. I felt every word that was written had to be perfect the first time. Now, without that pressure, I can write write write and get all those ideas out before going back later and revising and polishing. There are plenty of times I think “This is crap” as I’m writing. But now, I plow through that thought. I think, “It’s okay, I’ll go back and fix it later if I need to. But now, I must write.” It propels me forward, this new freedom.

A look back at 2010

What I learned about writing in 2010:

• Outlining doesn’t mean I give up the creative discovery of a story; It propels and guides me forward in my writing.
• Write first, and then if there is time, watch a little TV (this order can not be reversed!)
• The cat drools and shouldn’t be on my lap when I’m writing.
• Goals & Rules will only take you so far, and then you just have to go where the pen takes you.
• Brainstorming the next scene while doing mundane things (dishes, laundry, etc) helps me get straight to the writing when I sit down.
• Title journal entries for easy finding later.
• Try as I might, reading more than two books at a time results in forgotten, half-finished novels, and that is sad.
• I love inscriptions in books and have decided to forgo gift receipts and write inside every book I give to someone.
• There is no limit to the amount of times one reads the classics. There is always something new to learn.

Is it just me, or am I insane?

“There are two kinds of people in the world: those who focus on what they want, always desiring it and never attaining it, and those who focus on what it takes to obtain what they want. The latter do the work, delay gratification, make sacrifices and ultimately get the rewards of their work.”

This quote is from the book Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud, but I think it applies to any task and goal in life. So, I’ve applied it to my writing life. Some days are harder than others with the writing, and today was difficult. I am doing a lot of research on plants and geography for my novel. The outdoors will be a big part of the novel and I want to make sure I know what I’m writing about. But after so many hours of research and looking at the smallest details of flowers and trees, it gets exhausting.

So I sit back and day dream about what it would be like to have this book published, of living a life as a novelist. It sounds all too romantic and ideal in my head and I know it is a lot of hard work that sometimes feels like it is all for nothing. But then I remind myself that no word or paragraph written is wasted. Sure, I throw out drafts all the time and scratch words out here and there and ultimately cut out a majority of the words I write down when I’m in the editing process. But those hours of writing and hours of research will prepare me for the novel that will be completed…someday. Sometimes it feels like there is nothing to show for all this work but heavy sighs, achy hands, and the occasional pleasing moment of discovery.

I wouldn’t give it up for anything. It is quite insane really, but I’m sure other writers and artists would agree.

 

Pre-New Year’s Resolution

So I suddenly decided Tuesday night that I was going to give up watching TV for the entire month of December. I had thought about doing this before – I had gone so far as wean myself off some of my favorite shows for awhile. But lately TV has become an after-work routine for me. I tune out after a long day and disengage from the world for a few hours before going to bed and then restarting the cycle the next day. I wasn’t being productive, nor was I really relaxing. So, this decision will hopefully allow me to refocus, get creative, and get a little more active.

So, day 2 on my TV-strike and I’m realizing this is kind of hard. But instead of dwelling on that part, I’ve been able to focus my attentions elsewhere: reading a lot, writing and researching for my novel. Today in my research, I discovered what will be a key element in the story! I was nearly jumping up and down in my seat as I told my husband what I was learning: Huckleberries! He stared at me like I was crazy. Maybe I am, but this was a huge step in the right direction! I’m really excited about the next steps in figuring out my novel. =)

Changing seasons

“Writing is finally about one thing: going into a room alone and doing it.” William Goldman

So, I’ve changed my structure for this blog (see Architrave) and am now just focusing on writing everyday. I am working on a novel, writing scenes and doing lots of research. I like to incorporate other art forms in my research. Collages of clothes that my character would wear; drawings in a notebook my character would have;a detailed map of the town, the mountain, character’s house and bedroom. I like working with a lot of visuals in my research, posting them up on my computer or in my office to remind me as I write. Plus, it is a different creative process and I’m able to see things from a different perspective.

An unexpected turn

So, I have avoided blogging the past few days because I feel guilty. And torn. Not because I’m not writing. I am actually writing more! But because I’ve strayed from my structured plan. At the beginning of this month, I read about personal essays and wrote a few scenes from my own life. I really explored going into those memories that make me uncomfortable to even think about, let alone write about. Out of that, I rediscovered my novel-in-progress and my character. I had taken a  break from writing that story due to writer’s block and thinking that her story wasn’t going anywhere. I love this character, and it physically pained me when I finally (after several years of working on her story) put her away for good (so I thought) earlier this year. I thought I was doing myself a favor: I was “killing my darlings.” I was right to take an extended break and rethink my writing style, and get away from a character I’d carried on for so long that I thought I didn’t have any other good ideas in me.

So, my character is back. That’s all I seem to journal about these days. The personal essays study triggered another side of her story that I was missing. So, though I am writing fiction, the foundation of it – the elements of emotion and experience – are an outpouring from this study.

I fought with myself this week, thinking I just need to refocus on personal essays, not fiction. But I realized that I can’t stifle a creative thought and (hopefully) creative work in order to do something that I don’t feel any passion for right now. Now, that does not mean I am giving up on my challenge. This just means I am going to be flexible and embrace the outcomes of each month’s study in whatever way they display themselves.

That’s really all one can hope to do, in anything.

Geraldine Brooks, you amaze me

I just finished reading March by Geraldine Brooks, the novel of Mr. March (from Little Women by Louisa May Alcott) and his year in the Civil War. I was skeptical about how I would like this book, because I’m not one who really enjoys war stories. But I love Little Women and the world that Alcott created; Brooks also won the Pulitzer Prize for this book! This novel has become one of my favorites. It is captivating, detailed, and deals with universal powerful emotions.

“A disturbing, supple, and deeply satisfying story, put together with craft and care and imagery worthy of a poet.” – The Cleveland Plain Dealer

Geraldine Brooks has quickly become a writer of inspiration for me. I have only read one other novel, People of the Book, but I’m eager to return to the bookstore to buy out all her writings! I have this feeling of: I want to write like her, with her same power and passion and knowledge. It is intimidating, but altogether inspiring.

Chain the muse!

“I consider myself a writer of the working class, I’m a little bit smug about it, have so little tolerance for writers who have elaborate three-hour rituals before they even get down to work. I think, oh, please. My idea of a pre-writing ritual is getting the kids on the bus and sitting down…It would be easy to say oh, I have writers’ block, oh I have to wait for my muse. I don’t. Chain that muse to your desk and get the job done.”   -Barbara Kingsolver, interview with BookPage.com

I love that: “chain that muse to your desk and get the job done.”

I am not one of those writers who can just wait until inspiration hits me to write; I’d write maybe once a month if that were the case! Writing for me is partly about inspiration, and the other part dedication and (hopefully, after this year) discipline. I’m starting to get the hang of this writing on the spot, whenever you have a free moment. It is difficult for me to plunge into the writing like that, without thinking much first, sort of just giving over to what may happen. I’ve discovered this week that I’m really pleased with this. Sure, there are journal entries that are just not doing anything. But then there is a surprise here and there, and I find myself propelled into another world all the sudden, after only a minute of writing. It is an amazing feeling.

So I am still working on personal essays, but I’ve also returned to my novel-in-progress several times this week. I’ve felt a strong pull and desire to continue on with it after some struggle earlier this year. Yay!